Why I Don’t Teach Athletes to “Feel Confident” — And What I Teach Instead

Confidence is one of the most talked-about qualities in sports, and one of the most misunderstood.

Parents want their kids to “be more confident.”
Coaches tell athletes to “believe in themselves.” Athletes try to “think positive” and hope confidence magically shows up when they need it.

But here’s the truth:

Confidence is not a feeling you wait for.
Confidence is something you build by learning how to perform when you don’t feel confident.

As a sports therapist and mental performance coach, I’ve never had an athlete say, “Oh! I get it now, I feel confident all of a sudden.” That moment doesn’t exist. What I have seen, over and over, is this:

Athletes who feel nervous, shaky, doubtful, or overwhelmed…
learn how to regulate their body, anchor their focus, trust their tools, and execute anyway.

That is the turning point.
That’s what builds confidence, not positivity, and not waiting for the perfect emotion.

Confidence Isn’t the Starting Point of Performance, It’s the Outcome

There’s a common belief that if athletes could just “feel confident,” everything else would fall into place.

But research tells a different story.

Studies show that while confidence does have a positive relationship with performance, the effect is modest. It helps, but it’s not the deciding factor. What matters most is how an athlete performs when confidence isn’t there yet.

Think about your best games or moments.
Most of them didn’t start with a wave of confidence.
They started with action:

• a deep breath

• a small reset

• a clear routine

• a courageous first rep

• staying steady even when you didn’t feel great

Confidence didn’t create the performance.
The performance created the confidence.

Why “Feeling Confident” Isn’t a Reliable Strategy

Emotions are unpredictable. Pressure changes everything.
And confidence fluctuates based on:

• stress

• competition

• environment

• expectations

• physical state

If athletes rely on confidence to show up first, they’re going to be inconsistent, because feelings are inconsistent.

Instead of trying to force confidence, I teach athletes to build:

• nervous system regulation

• attentional control

• tempo and rhythm

• reset routines

• emotional tolerance

• the courage to execute through discomfort

These skills are stable. They’re trainable. They don’t depend on mood or emotion.

And once an athlete becomes consistent at performing through discomfort…their brain finally has the evidence it needs to create real confidence.

My Core Belief at The Athlete Mind

At the center of my work is one guiding principle:

I don’t teach athletes to feel confident.
I teach them to perform well even when they don’t.

Because that’s the level where confidence actually lives, in the reps executed under pressure, in the choices made while uncomfortable, in the ability to regulate and respond instead of react.

This is how athletes build the kind of confidence that lasts.
The kind that shows up when it matters.
The kind that doesn’t depend on a feeling.
The kind that’s earned.

If you or your athlete struggles with confidence, nerves, performance anxiety, or pressure, this is where we begin. Not with feelings, but with skills. Not with fake positivity, but with tools. Not with waiting, but with action.

If you’d like help building these skills or want to understand this approach more deeply, feel free to reach out.

Your confidence isn’t something you find, it’s something you build.